Children Are A Gift

As a woman who struggled with infertility.  I believe that children are a gift.  As I entered my late 20's and early 30's I resigned myself to the fact that I would not be a natural mother but I would take on the task of loving someone else's children.  I planned to adopt a baby girl from South America.

After my first marriage fell apart I was lucky to meet a man who I fell in love with that already had children.  It didn't take much to fall in love with his children.  He is such a special dad, always putting the needs of the children first. The kids were so sweet and loving we made a wonderful little family unit.

Imagine our surprise when after living together for 2 years, I got pregnant less that a month after we married. Another blessing in an overflowing basket.  After our daughter had some health scares in her first year of life we decided that our family was done growing but I always knew in the back of my mind that we would take in more children.

Eight years later we were flabbergasted when one of our children's friends came for a visit and ended up living with us.  Her father had remarried,... chose the new wife over his 16 year old.  How can a man choose a woman over his children?  Aren't they your flesh and blood? Your babies?  Don't you want the very best for them? Don't you want to see them grow and develop? Don't you want to help them become productive adults?  How do you kick a 16 year old out of your house? Did you actually say, "I love her more?" Do you drive her somewhere and leave her? Do you give her a bus ticket? Plane ticket? Cab Fare?

I know what you are thinking? Where's her mom? Well she had been living with her mom since her dad kicked her out but circumstances changed and now her mother was ill an unable to care for her.  She has a sister who has her hands full with 3 young children and no other relatives to step in and help.  We agreed to keep her for as long as the mother needed to get herself back together. 

It was difficult.  Friends and family saying we were being taken advantage of.  People telling us that it wasn't our problem but this was a child, is a child.  She is a valuable human being.  She deserves to be somewhere safe where people care about her and take care of her.

She wasn't always easy to deal with.  Emotional outbursts and periods of hiding in her room.  She is a teenaged girl, some of its expected, some of it not. The hardest thing to watch has been her riding the emotional roller coaster as she constantly trys to reconnect with her family and rebuild relationships. But over times she adjusted and started to make more friends and build a life here.

I was thrilled for our young charge when she was able to visit family over the Christmas holiday.  I was surprised when her mom and younger brothers came to visit for New Years but glad she was back for the start of school.  Her mom talked of moving here in a few weeks and taking her daughter back to live with her.  It all seemed to be working out for the best.

Overnight the plans changed. We couldn't believe the next morning when her mom stopped by to pick her up to travel again.  What about school the next day? She had already missed days of school to fly to visit family. Wasn't her education important? Shouldn't she be in school.

A week later she is back.  Mom "washed her hands of her." Dad says, "she should go into a  psych ward." They threaten to keep her away from her boyfriend.  To send her away somewhere else. To put her somewhere and leave her there. WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!

This is your child!  Your flesh and blood! You made her who she is today.  Your actions, reactions and choices influence her every decision.  She is a valuable human being.  She is a kind loving person.  Yes, she makes mistakes, she is human.  Yes, she makes bad choices.  You did to at her age. She is not  a piece of trash to be set out on the curb.  She is a child.

I love my husbands philosophy on life. He says that some people only focus on the bad in life, on the things that hurt them in the past.  They never move on from it.  We all know those people,... they drink because they were abused.... they do drugs because they are from a broken home....  It is not your past that defines you but the choices that you make each and every day.  Everyone has had some adversity in life,... it is how you  deal with that adversity that makes you who you are,... do you rise above it and show the world that you are stronger and more powerful than whatever problems you were faced with or do you cower in the corner,... reliving them every day,....

Our young charge is back in our home now.  She is welcome to stay as long as she needs.  Yes, it is a challenge for us as a family,... but it is a challenge that we are rising to and using to teach our children that ALL children are gift!